Fable and Dealing with Death

June 8th, 2005 by Rory

So I was playing Fable the other day and this guy suggested I donate money to the church. Doing so would supposedly get the God they worshipped to talk to me. While I’m not a religious person by any means, this sounded like a good idea. My character was a pretty nice guy and I figured it would be something he would do — a righteous cause, or so it seemed. After donating several thousand gold pieces, the acolyte in the temple informed me that my slight donation would be rewarded accordingly. So I waited. Nothing happened. WTF? No chatting with the big man? No cool glowing axes or other forms of awesome loot? I became upset because my money had simply disappeared and these goons thought I hadn’t bled enough for their damn church. Art imitates life I guess. I figured several thousand would be a decent donation, especially since it was almost all the gold I had on me. Apparently this one room church was in need of an expansion or these saps donated all their money away too. Using my remaining gold I found the nearest barber and got a mohawk. Then I found a tattoo artist and he tattooed a demon on my face. I returned to the temple and slaughtered the two budding Benny Hinns mercilessly. Of course, both of their last yelps were something like, “God will punish you for this act!!!” That’s really funny considering God was just about as active when the bastard took my damn money as he was when his own followers were murdered. Where’s your God now? I’ve made it my goal in the game to annihilate any and all religious people. When I am through the remaining sinners will be paying me tribute. And jerks.

Poor and lonely, I came across some villagers trying to remove a fairly large sword from the ground. These puny villagers laughed at me after I couldn’t remove the sword. After having a grand old time at my expense, they sent their best (please) man to try and best me at sword-pulling. This guy tried for about 15 seconds and then I cut him down where he stood. I then cut down all of his asshole friends who quickly stopped laughing at me. Bastards.

I have been frustrated at games before, but rarely am I frustrated with fictional characters in the games. I could have bought some really cool stuff with all that money, but no, the damn church took it from me and I had to resort to attempting to pull a sword from the ground. That didn’t turn out so well either.

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